Separation – a dramatic monologue

irlandesuk drama , ,

WOMAN sitting alone by a window at night

It is night now. The city is asleep. In the silence I think of you. I remember you. Despite the distance, I feel you all around me. There is no distance. There is no time. It is night now. And you are here in my thoughts, in my heart.

Pause

I am sitting by the window. In the distance I see an empty square. It is past midnight and the city is sleeping. I cannot sleep for thinking of you. Remembering you. Remembering how it was. How things are. How much I would like to change things. How much I would like to say to you. To say and to unsay.

Pause

I’m so glad you wrote. I hope that means I can write and not be deleted. Please don’t delete me. It is night now. I feel you all around me. Please don’t ever delete me from your life.

Pause

It is night now. There are stars. There is moonlight. There is silence. I wish you were here with me now. In this night that feels so incomplete without you. I feel you all around me. I feel your presence and I feel your absence. A deep longing. A sadness. A joy also. A peace. Calm.

Pause

The city is at peace now. It is sleeping. The lights are dim. In the hours before dawn I will think of you constantly. So much to think over. So much and so little time. I hear a dog now, away in the distance. There’s always a dog. A restless dog. Restless, like my mind. My thoughts. My memories. My longing. To hear your voice. Your soft voice. To look into your gentle eyes and hear your cheerful voice.

Pause

It is night now. I am home. Home from home. I’m tired after my journey. But I arrived safely. Thank you for asking. I arrived safely. Nothing to report there. No incidents. Very smooth journey. Very agreeable. It was good to stay in the fresh mountain air. Salzburg is charming. Despite the drizzle, despite the rain. It’s a charming city. It rained all day, on and off. And I thought of you.

Silence

It is night now. I wish I was home. This is not my home. Without you it is not my home. Salzburg was charming. I visited the house where Mozart lived. His early years. A charming house in a charming street. I read about his parents. About Mozart and Constanze. On one of the walls there is this phrase that says “Theirs was a marriage of love”. I travelled all the way to Salzburg to read those words. Theirs was a marriage of love. And the tears came back. My tears.

Pause

It is night now. And the tears have returned. Thinking of Mozart and Constanze and you and me. The tears have come back. Again and again. The words and the tears. They haven’t stopped since Friday. I think about you all day. My sleep is lousy. I read your poetry and cry.

Pause

It is night now. I think of Mozart and Constanze and my tears. When will they stop? It did me good to get away. To stay in the cold mountain air. So bracing. I could feel it in my bones. And I could feel your presence. Constantly. In my bones.

Pause

It is night now. The rain has stopped. I’m sitting by the window. Down below I see the street lights reflected in shallow pools where the rain has gathered. In the silence I am remembering everything. I feel you all around me.

Pause

The city is sleeping. I’m sitting by the window looking out across the sleeping city. I’m thinking of you. I’m so glad you wrote. I hope that means I can write and not be deleted. I miss you terribly. Salzburg was charming. The cold mountain air was marvellous. Mozart’s childhood home, marvellous. Mozart and Constanze. The writing on the wall. Theirs was a marriage of love. When I read that, the tears came back. The tears are back again.

Silence

Do you remember when you came to my door with flowers, with pink tulips and white roses, and champagne, and took back your words and didn’t take your belongings? Well I’m at your door now. You are far away but I’m at your door now. I am deeply sorry that I hurt you. Deeply, completely. The throwaways and dismissals. Keeping things in and not communicating. Not consulting. Making plans without you. Not fully considering your feelings. Judging your family situation without knowing. I am so sorry.

Silence

There. It is night and I have said it. What I wanted to say. What I needed to say. I am deeply sorry that I hurt you. Deeply. Completely.

Pause

It is night now. I feel you all around me, in me, I see your eyes over me. I’ve let you in completely and in ways I’ve never felt. I smell you. I want coffee with you. I want to share the food you prepare, the ox cheeks, the duck. So deliciously prepared. So delicious in your company. I look at pictures of us together. I feel the joy of our days together, our weekends together. I want to talk. I want to explore curiosities with you. To see places together. Do Christmas in New York. Or come here with you. To where I am now tonight, in this city, far from you. I want you to teach me and me to teach you. I love you. I want to dance with you. To repeat with you the list of all the things we said we were: lovers, talkers, laughers, strollers, inquisitive travellers, champagners, diners, squabblers and forgivers of each other’s foibles and failings, and so much more. Do you remember? Do you?

Silence

It is night now. Deep silence reigns over the city. But my heart is not silent. My heart is racing. I am missing you. I’m so glad you wrote. Please don’t ever delete me.

© John Lyons, 2024 All rights reserved

More flowers than stars

irlandesuk poetry

More flowers than stars  more stars than flowers?
Thinking of all the worlds that merely might
be in the heavens above and below
As day dawns the particles of darkness
recede  In the ancient woodlands I hear
the innocent call to love of wrens and
robins  of chiffchaffs 
                         alongside the three-
note call of the collared dove  The uni-
verse is never silent  never still  al-
ways expanding the space of its embrace
Beauty and truth are the codes at the core
and atomic physics is its human
expression When I was a child I loved
as a child
            the simplicity of life

John Lyons

The deep mind of flesh

irlandesuk poetry

How beautiful the freshly greened woodland
on this early summer morning  alive
as it is with the sweet song of small birds
of chaffinch wren and robin and chiffchaff
rousing would-be lovers to shake the sleep
from their eyes 
                     The tumult of yesterday
is dead and buried   along with the sad
massacre of innocence  Renewal
Our loyal local sun has risen to
the occasion  spreading its gentle light
across the world  feeding body and soul
And so at my side Flora stirs from her
dreams and the beat of her heart gathers pace
as we meld
             into the deep mind of flesh

John Lyons

Pity poor flesh

irlandesuk poetry

The mere mind that looks for certainties where
doubts abound   patrols the here and now with
a weather eye  in constant fear of fear
sees villains
                in ev’ry shade of shadow
and jumps at the slightest unexpected
sound  The canopy of stars above is
but a source of misery for such souls
who nothing ventured nothing gained in all
their days  consign their weary frame to the
bitter comfort of a lonely and un-
yielding grave  Cold lips that never knew the
warmth of love  a tight embrace  or the breath
of yes in their eager ear  Pity poor
flesh with its wasted dreams
                                       and broken heart

John Lyons

Nothing about you

irlandesuk poetry

Nothing about you ever so partly
seems less than beautiful  And in your si-
lence and in your dreams and your complete still-
ness I wait for you to wake stirringly
for your enfolded arms to flower in-
to the day   a rose by any other
name  tentative in the pale soft dawn light
The miracle of being more April
threaded through
                 with the warm colours of Spring
speaks to the existence of unending
love and consolation for all the an-
gry common things that seek to barb our lives
May the peace there in your eyes in your flesh
temper
           the bitter petulance of war

John Lyons

Cf. Cummings “when you are silent, shining host by guest“

A chilling tale to tell

irlandesuk poetry

That stars are made of stones and stones of stars
That nothing can ever be subtracted
from the universe should bring a comfort
of sorts  Pity poor flesh 
                                    But only to
a degree  The mind has mountains  Beware
Sheer fall  Where are the snowflakes of yester-
year?  A world of born  not made  opens up
a very large can of worms  and all too
often it’s too late to unwish what you
wanted  Progress is a comfortable
disease until it ends in helpless tears
Humanity’s a hopeless case  unless
it takes a razor to its ego  Your
mirror has such
                       a chilling tale to tell

John Lyons

A little innocence goes a long way

irlandesuk poetry

A little innocence goes a long way
in a world in which unbrotherly love
is far too common
                          When I was a child
I created a life in my image
and likeness  carefully curating my
days to keep them free from terror and dark-
ness  I rose above the rituals of
summer and winter  trusting in the know-
ledge that no pain or adversity lasts
forever and that love is the anti-
dote to ev’ry trial and tribulation
Dust we are and unto dust we shall re-
turn  But within our time we are bound to
honour the gift
                 of earth and sky and breath

John Lyons

The secrecies of birth and death

irlandesuk poetry

The afterglow of ev’ning sinks into
night  History is immeasurable
It is the narrative of time and space
Blue across the peaceful hills and open
fields where sheep graze with their lambs 
                                      where milch cows
chew the cud  Is your world ev’rything you
ever imagined? To what use have you
put the breath in your lungs? Did you seek wealth
or fame or any other species of
good fortune? What dreams did you harvest un-
der the upfloating moon? When a life ends
does another begin? Is this where you
have placed your bet? Bells in the distance toll
to mark the secrecies
                         of birth and death

John Lyons

Peacemakers

irlandesuk poetry ,

Let those who seek good fortune at all cost
and risk their lives in ever faster cars
beware of highways covered in hard frost
when they have been carousing in sad bars
For fortune smiles on those who can smile back
whose only risks are on the field of love
who frown on those
                   whose pace is never slack
who never brave the cold without a glove
who view the book of honour with disdain
look but for fame within their mistress’ eye
who when push comes to shove avoid the pain
Peacemakers they will go down to the grave
Content for all the lives
                             they sought to save

John Lyons

Based on Shakespeare’s sonnet “Let those who are in favour with their stars”

The starlight in your eyes

irlandesuk poetry

This is a once world into which there is
no return  But we take comfort from the
cycles of day and night and the seasons
From the rivers
                that run down to the sea
but are constantly replenished  Nothing
lasts forever  and yet nothing ever
ends  A universe that is and ever
shall be  A vast compendium of his-
tory in which we are all invited
to play our part  To stand for peace and just-
ice and to grow in the proficiencies
of love is our true calling  And so with
a tease of hand and lip I pay homage
to your warm breath
                  the starlight in your eyes

John Lyons