The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars. . .

Wat_Tyler_pubSo Jonah the ancient mariner, who’s been marinating on dry land for the past two years, has his kid sister over for lunch and to give her a good “chin-up” talking to. Duck confit with salad (urrrrgh!). Salad’s on account of the extra kilos that living on dry land has saddled around his equator. Grin and bear, and no beer for a month, at least. He’s lost 2 kilos already, and dropped one belt size with just one more to go before bingo!

Anyway, being of a literary disposition, before the sister arrives he’s been reading Julius Caesar and he’s reached that famous line about the stars and thinks: “So, verrry interesting! Against the prevailing mood of the times, friend William did not believe in astrology either, and he was a genius.”

His reading at this point is interrupted by a knock at the door, and lo and behold, there she is, in all her glory. Turns out she’s on a calorie count too, and looking good, so they’re all square for lunch; and what ensues is a real heart to heart with a few detours into the memory lanes of happy days.

Following lunch there’s coffee, and more talk before he accompanies her down to the railway track. After waving goodbye, he takes a train in the opposite direction, heading for the partially walled medieval town of Dartford, famous for the old Wat Tyler pub (pictured above) and the 1381 Peasants’ Revolt. His mission there, you guessed, is to replenish his stock of sundry salad stuffs!

But isn’t life funny! As fate would have it, he no sooner steps onto the train and takes a seat when he spies with one little eye on the seat opposite him, a copy of the Metro free newspaper, open at the astrological page. Some bright spark has even gone to the trouble of taking a biro to draw a box around the day’s star for Sagittarius. Shakespeare’s immortal line comes roaring back into Jonah’s brain. “I don’t believe it,” he mutters under his breath, “I really don’t believe it!” Nevertheless, curiosity gets the better and he picks up the paper and reads the following:


sagitA bona fide break is what you really need, Archer—not another cocktail party or night on the town. Today’s sleepy twelfth house moon forms a tough square with agitator Mars, interrupting your need for rest! Those tempting offers will keep rolling in, but if you keep saying “yes” you’ll simply be too burnt out to actually enjoy them! Respect your limits and take a rain check. You may also need to set a high-maintenance energy vampire straight today. Establishing and enforcing boundaries will be a sanity-saver. Trust us.

“Whoah,” Jonah wonders, scratching his head, “who the hell is us?” He has plans that evening to attend a performance of Euripedes’ Women of Troy at The Scoop open air theatre by London Bridge, in the company of the apostles Peter and Paul, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to miss it on account of a load of tosh! “Your need for a rest? Poppycock! Balderdash! Nonsense! Tripe!”

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